曾经有一辆豪华的奔驰和English美眉放在我面前，我没有珍惜后者，等我失去的时候我才后悔莫及。
学英语最痛苦的事莫过于此。
不用再犹豫了！
如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会，我会对那个English美眉说三个字：我爱你。
如果非要在这份爱上加个期限，我希望是……100天搞定！
I had had a luxurious Benze and a beauty called English to choose from. I chose the former. But now I regretted a lot after losing her.
There is nothing more painful than that.
If you want to pick up English now, don't hesitate any more!
If God give me another chance, I will tell her in three words: I love you!
If a limit is put on my time of love for English, I just wish for 100 days.
话说周奔驰"大话西游"之后，将无数的英语书架在肩上，大踏步而回。他的背影被那对终成眷属的恋人看到。
After his western odyssey, Zhou Benchi strolled back with loads of English learning books. A pair of lovers saw him and commented:
Lady: How poor his English is!/那个人英语好差啊！
Man: I hear he is an English illiterate!/我也听说了，他好像一个英语文盲啊！
周奔驰气愤异常而又无言以对，只是心里生气：这些家伙没事就长篇大论婆婆妈妈叽叽歪歪，说我的英语不好，没资格出国，就好象整天有一群苍蝇，嗡……对不起，不是苍蝇，是一堆蜜蜂围着你，嗡…嗡…嗡…嗡…飞到你的耳朵里面，救命啊！救命啊！
Zhou Benchi is sulky. Those folks keep gossiping about my poor English and about my inability to go abroad. They are just like swarms of flies hanging around. Oh, to be exact, swarms of bees flying around you, even into your ears. Oh. Help. Help!
但是四分之一秒之后，周奔驰将会彻底地爱上英语，因为他决定施展"无厘头"大法学英语。虽然他本人生平作了无数的无厘头行动，但是这一个他认为是最完美的……
But in a split second, Zhou Benchi falls in love with English, because he decides to study English with "Wulitou" (casual) method. Although he has taken many "Wulitou" actions in his life, he thinks this one is ideal.
所以呢他就抓住英语的突破点--口语，把最常用的口语用于"聊天泡美眉"，把最地道的惯用语尽力向美眉炫耀；再用"学英语版"大话西游来调动"如饥似渴"的学习劲头，呵--！全部语法又学到手啦！他再举一反三，哗--！再也没人天天说他英语不好了。现在大家知道，他为什么要自学英语！
So he starts his English learning from practicing spoken English. He chats with MM online in simple oral English. He shows off his idiomatic English phrases to MM from Chinese Odyssey, an English learning course book. He becomes more and more eager to practise and he practises again and again. Finally he learnt his English well. Now nobody can say his English is poor. So, you know how he could learn English well all by himself.
周奔驰"第一次"网上聊天全纪录：
周奔驰：What a long sleepless night. I thought I was the only one sleepless. So are you Cuihua Girl!/长夜漫漫无心睡眠，我以为只有我睡不着觉，原来翠花姑娘你也睡不着啊！
翠花：Really?! Why are you, Smart Brother, sleepless?/是啊！不知道帅哥你为什么睡不着啊？
周奔驰：Just for you! Be frank, OK?/就是因为翠花姑娘你啊。别再上酸菜了，何必呢--？何苦呢--？
翠花：We Northeasterners are living Leifengs. We do what we like. May I know what you do?/俺们东北人都是活雷锋嘛。做一行爱一行。你是干啥的？
周奔驰：I……After traveling around the world, I haven't got anything to do yet. I know my whole life would be like this: endless parties,cruises and polo games…/俺……自从环球周游之后，俺就闲着没事干，"我知道自己一辈子都要这么过下去了,整天是没完没了的舞会和聚餐，游艇和马球赛……"
翠花：Don't show off. Don't you know that talking about one's wealth has no place online. /你夸耀"中产"干什么？你知不知道网上一说钱，就一点性格都没有了？
周奔驰：I'm just kidding. That line is cited from Titanic. In fact, my present situation is that after years of hard work I have little food to eat and have only a shabby room to live in. And I have never slept well. That has been my life for these past ten years, just like Ms. Matilde in THE LOST NECKLACE in our middle school English textbook./开个玩笑。刚才那句话摘自《泰坦尼克》的电影对白。实际上，我目前的状况是："多年的劳累，食不果腹，只有寒舍一间，得不到片刻休息，那就是我十年来的生活"，就像中学英语课文《失去的项链》里的玛蒂尔德。
翠花：You just copy from here and there and never create. Are you a copy machine?/唉，东摘摘西抄抄，你不做原创，你想做复印机啊？
周奔驰：I was all wrong. I didn't know that you Cuihua Girl like me in my true self!/真失败！原来翠花姑娘喜欢真实一面的我！
翠花：What do you do on earth?/你到底是干啥的？
周奔驰：Actually I am here just to have fun with girls. To be exact, to chat with a girl called English so as to practise my English./其实俺到英语聊天室，就是为了泡妞，错啦，是为了泡English这个妞，是为了学英语耶。
翠花：Ha, Ha, Ha…Good boy. How are you getting on with your English?/哈哈哈，孺子可教。你的英语现在是什么程度呀？
周奔驰：I graduated from a vocational school and haven't studied English for 8 years. At most my English level is that of a senior high school student. No! Not even senior high school. Tell me, can I still learn English well?/俺是专科毕业，扔下八年了，现在只是相当于高中水平的英语，不，高中生都赶不上了，你说，俺能学好英语吗？
翠花：Let me tell you a story that happened around me. After hearing this, I'm sure you will decide to turn over a new page in your life./让俺给你讲个身边的故事，你听了一定会洗心革面、重新做人的。
周奔驰：You are really extraordinary!/I服了YOU!
翠花讲的故事：
The story related by Cui hua
虽然俺在"东北人酸菜馆"天天为客人们上酸菜，但是当碰到老外来吃饭的时候，俺就像小兔子一样竖起耳朵听着，时间长了，俺哪怕笨得像你一样，也能学会英语了。
就像大科学家爱因斯坦的司机，天天开车送爱因斯坦去演讲，半年以后，他就时常冒充爱因斯坦上台演讲，让真正的爱因斯坦抽空儿睡会儿觉。
I served sour dishes to guests in the Northeasterners' Sour Dish Restaurant every day. When I saw foreigners come and have dinners, I listened attentively just like a little rabbit with long ears. After a long time like this, even if I am as slow as you, I learned my English. I'm just like the great scientist Einstein's driver, who always drove Einstein to make speeches. After just half a year, he could pretend to be Einstein to make speeches, and let true Einstein take a good rest.
"玩儿的就是英语"。--这就是俺的英语学习秘诀！
"To learn English is to have fun". That is my secret of learning English.
俺有一个师兄姓庖名丁，每日要做"解牛"的工作，也就是说是个屠夫。但见他手之所触，肩之所倚，足之所踩，膝之所抵，以及进刀割解所发出的声音，没有不合乎音节的。如同那殷汤之乐《桑林》的舞步，恰似那帝尧之《咸池》、《经首》乐章的韵律。
庖丁哥哥对俺说，他所爱好的是"道"，解牛到了心神合一的境界：刀子微微一动，整条牛就伴随着贝多芬的《命运》旋律解体了，而那牛可能还不知道自己已经死了呢！到了这种时候庖丁才提刀站立，张望四顾，感到由衷的心满意足。
不知道你泡妞的时候，能否达到庖丁解牛一样的艺术境界的1/N?庖丁哥哥高中毕业，自学英语，过四级、考托福、攻GRE，如同解牛一样游刃有余、自得其乐。
哪象你这般见了英语就象见了"恐龙"，愁眉苦脸，如临大敌呢？！
I have a co-worker named Paoding. He is a butcher and his work is to dissect cattle every day. If you watch him kill the cattle, you will find that all his actions: the touching, shouldering, stepping and kneeling, are of rhythm and melody, just like the dancing steps of Sanglin of the Yin and Tang dynasties, and also like the melody of Xianchi & Jingshou for the Di and Yao Emperors.
Brother Paodingtold me that he is keen on the Way. He can coordinate his heart and action when he uses his knife. A whole ox is dissected adeptly with his swift hands as if to the company of Beethoven's Symphony of Fate, so quick that the ox might not know that it has been killed. Then Paoding would stand straight with his knife in one hand and look around in satisfaction.
I'm not sure if you can achieve a fraction of this skill when you date with a girl. Just like dissecting an ox, Paoding smoothly graduated from high school, taught himself English, passed College English Band 4, achieved good results in TOEFL and GRE tests. He never behaved like you. You regard English as dinosaur and always knit your eyebrow when learning it.
你想"玩的就是英语"吗？你想玩的话你就用英语耍酷嘛。你不耍酷我怎么知道你想"玩"呢？虽然你很有诚意地看着我，可是你还是要跟我说你想"玩英语"的。你真的想玩吗？那你就"用英语耍酷"吧！你不是真的想"玩"吧？难道你真的想"玩的就是英语"吗？
Do you want to play English? If you do, use English smartly. If you don't use English with fun, how could I know you want to play English. Although you are looking at me earnestly, do you still want to tell me that you prefer to play English. Do you really want to play? Yes? Then, you play cool with English at once. Don't you really want to play? Is it true that what you really want to play is English?
周奔驰的痛定思痛
听了翠花一席言，胜读十年英语书。周奔驰开始痛苦地反思：自己虽说在“大话西游”期间，借周游世界之机，积攒了不少财宝，坐拥“奔驰”车数辆。——遗憾的是，虽然身成大款、游遍全球，却因“糟糕透顶的外语”而错失和晶晶姑娘、紫霞姑娘等等等等等的情缘，就连网上聊天碰到的翠花姑娘都对他“感冒“。
Hearing Miss Cuihua’s words, Zhou Benchi felt he benefited a lot as if he had read English books for ten years. Zhou began his self-reflection: During my western odyssey I traveled a lot of places and gathered a lot of treasure including several Benz cars. But the regretful thing is that I lost the love of Miss Jinjing, Miss Zixia, and so on and so forth because of my poor English. Even Miss Cuihua whom I chatted online looked down upon me.
周奔驰幡然悔悟，头悬梁、锥刺骨，凿壁偷光、卧薪尝胆，立志苦学英语，把英语说得象周润发一样帅，象谢霆锋一样酷！
After that reflection Zhou Benchi was determined to push himself really hard to learn English well. He wanted his English to be as hot as Zhou Renfa’s and as cool as Xie Tingfeng’s.
然而，早把英语扔下很多年、毅力又和英语一样糟糕的周奔驰，每当买到最新流行的外语学习书，当时总是不顾一切地摸她，她也不顾一切地摸我，还立下了永不分离的誓言。可惜快乐永远是短暂的，三分钟热血之后，就把书扔到了一边。换来的只是无穷无尽的痛苦跟长叹。
However, having dropped his English learning for years and, with his perseverance as poor as his English, whenever Zhou Benchi gets a popular English learning book, he can’t help but feeling“her”and so can’t“she”. And so they promise each other that they will never separate. But the happiness is always short. After just a few minutes, he would cast that book away. In the end he would always sigh and bear endless regrets.
[此贴子已经被作者于2006-3-3 19:34:39编辑过]
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