来源：21世纪英文报第715期

CRACKING CET

在本期四六级考试专栏中，复旦大学夏国佐教授对读者题为"Spring Festival Gala on CCTV"的作文进行了讲评和改写。按照四级作文的评分标准，这篇文章得分11分，满分是15分。下期夏老师将讲评今年6月份的四级作文题"Welcome to our club"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。

Directions：For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:

1. 本社团的主要活动内容 2. 参加本社团的好处 3. 如何加入本社团

读者原文

Spring Festival Gala on CCTV

Most people are fond of watching the Spring Festival Gala on the Spring Festival Eve. People, especially the old, regard it as a traditional custom. They think it's warm for the whole family to have chance to get together and watch the program.

However, some think the program should be cancelled. Many young people show no interest in it and pursue more fashionable way to enjoy themselves. They consider it costs a lot of money but almost stays the same each year. So it gets more boring every year.

In my opinion, I think Spring Festival Gala should not be cancelled. It has become a significant part of the Chinese lunar new year. Chinese need an event like the gala to get the whole family together and enjoy the holiday together. But we must enhance the quality of the gala. One way is to set up a clear and concrete theme in each gala. This will help make each gala different and gives people something refreshing.

修改后的文章

Spring Festival Gala on CCTV

Most people are fond of watching the Spring Festival Gala on the Spring Festival Eve. The majority of people, especially the old, regard it as an important custom. They think that greeting the new year by getting together and watching the program brings warmth to the whole family.

There are some, however, who think the program should be cancelled. Many young people show no interest in it and are exploring more fashionable ways to enjoy themselves. They argue that it costs too much but stays almost the same year after year. To them it is getting more boring.

But, in my opinion, the Spring Festival Gala should not be cancelled, because it is a significant part of Chinese lunar new year. We need an event like this to bring the whole family together in celebration of the age-old holiday. But the organizers need to try to innovate and enhance the quality of the gala. One way I have thought of is to develop a distinct theme for each gala. This will help make each one different and give people something new and refreshing every year.

夏老师的点评

这篇作文写得比较好，文章切题，观点明确，表达简单明了，文字较为连贯，对英语中常用的习惯搭配掌握熟练，语言错误也不多。但句型较简单，用词表达上的变化也较少。下面是几点具体的修改建议：

1. 第一段第三句中的"it's warm for the whole family to have chance to get together and watch the program"可以改为修改后文章中的形式。原句的意思是"全家有机会聚在一起看这个节目(这件事)是温暖的"，而实际要表达的意思是"聚在一起看节目来迎接新年给全家人带来了温暖"。另外chance作机会解，一般是可数的，前面应有冠词 ( have a chance)。

2. 第二段第二句中的"pursue more fashionable way"可以改为"explore more fashionable ways"。 "Pursue"与"way"搭配很少见到。way也是可数名词，应该用复数形式。

3. 第二段第三句中的"but almost stays the same"应改为"but stays almost the same"。这里almost主要修饰"the same" ，应放在"the same"前面。

4. 第三段第一句和第二句应合并为一句，见修改后的文章。合并后，两个句子的主从关系明确，使文章更为紧凑。

5. 第三段第一句中的"In my opinion"和"I think"两个短语完全同义，只能取其一。这种重复削弱了文章的表现力，在作文考试中比较多见，其原因可能是因为考试指令中有字数要求。其实很多作文字数已经大大超过要求，重复非但不能加分，反而给阅卷老师不好的印象，应引起广大考生的注意。同一段接下去第三句中的"to get the whole family together and enjoy the holiday together"，又是两个together连着用，去掉后一个together，意思一点也没有变，但读上去就好得多。

6. 第三段第五句中的"to set up a clear and concrete theme"应改为"to set/develop a … theme"。"to set up"的意思是"竖起、建起", 而set的意思是"确定(decide)"。例如："Have they set a date for the wedding?"

7. 第三段最后一句"This will help make each gala different and gives people something refreshing"中的gives应改为give，因为give是接动词help的。这是长句中易犯的一种错误，应注意避免。