Newly married, my husband, Eric, and I moved to a new home with our kids. Now we would start trying to blend our families. 婚后不久，我和丈夫埃里克(Eric)带着孩子们搬进了新家。从这个时候起，我们得尝试着让两家人和谐相处。
From the beginning, it was total chaos. There were endless chores, to say nothing of the logistics of caring for four kids under 8 (two from our previous marriages and two we'd had together). At the same time, I had just started a new full-time job writing legal briefs from home, and I was trying to finish a dissertation for my Ph.D. in history. All of which meant that I was trapped inside for days at a time with my kids, whose constant bickering was driving me nuts. 开始的时候只能用一个乱字来形容。家务事本来就做不完，何况还要照管四个不到八岁的孩子，各种细枝末节的事情没完没了。（有两个孩子是我们各自在之前婚姻中所生的，另两个是我们俩婚后生的。）同时，我刚刚开始做一份在家里撰写诉讼案情摘要的全职工作，又要赶写一篇历史学博士论文。总之我得一连几天都被拴在家里，跟孩子们在一起，而他们又不断吵吵囔囔，让我心烦意乱。
Like millions of other modern moms, I tried to change them by yelling and nagging. This, of course, only made their behavior worse. After one especially trying day, I stomped off to my home office. Too exhausted to work, I sat at my desk and stared at a dusty shelf of books. And there I saw it: an old copy of 'The Prince.' 跟其他无数的现代母亲一样，我想通过吼叫、唠叨来改变他们。不用多说，这样做反让他们更不听话。有一次，在经历了特别难熬的一天之后，我拖着沉重的步伐走进我的居家办公室。我筋疲力尽，不想工作，于是就坐在桌子边，盯着布满灰尘的书架。就在这个时候，我看到了一本旧书：《君主论》(The Prince)。
Pulling it from the shelf, I studied its cover─a portrait of Niccolò Machiavelli. His determined eyes stared out humbly at me; his thin lips turned up in a slight, knowing smile; his stance, powerful and confident─everything that I was not at that point in my life. 我把它从书架上抽出来，研究了一下封面。那是尼科洛•马基雅维利(Niccolo Machiavelli)的一幅肖像。他坚定的目标谦和地望着我，薄薄的嘴唇漾起一个淡淡的、会心的笑容，他的站姿有力而又自信──这一切都是当时的我所没有的。
I opened the book and began reading. Machiavelli's name is synonymous with duplicity, deceit and the cunning, ruthless use of power. But the more I read, the more excited I became. 我打开书开始读起来。“马基雅维利”这个词等同于欺骗、狡诈，以及精明、无情地使用权力。然而读得越多，我越是激动起来。
Machiavelli began writing 'The Prince' in the midst of his own crisis. Fired from his position in Florence as a high-ranking diplomat, he had been arrested, imprisoned and tortured for his alleged role in a conspiracy to assassinate Cardinal Giuliano de'Medici and seize the government by force. Upon his release, exiled to the Tuscan countryside, he resolved to write a primer on politics in hopes of gaining favor among the Medicis and obtaining a new government post. Thus was born 'The Prince,' the most revolutionary and widely maligned political tract of all time. 马基雅维利是在他自己陷入危机的时候开始写《君主论》的。因为被控参与刺杀红衣主教朱利亚诺•德•美第奇(Cardinal Giuliano de'Medici)和武力夺取政权的图谋，他被解除高级外交官职务，被逮捕，被收监，被拷打。在出狱流放到托斯卡纳乡下之后，他决心写一部政治学启蒙书，希望以此讨得美第奇家族的欢心，获得新的公职。《君主论》由此诞生，并成为史上最具革命性、最遭人非议的政治学手册。
Machiavelli never wrote the infamous phrase often associated with him: 'the ends justify the means.' His methods weren't about acquiring power for its own sake. He saw power as a tool for securing the safety and stability of the state. He wanted to show princes how to ensure the happiness and well-being of their subjects. 马基雅维利从未写过“目的正当证明手段正确”这句常被归到他名下的臭名昭著的名言。他给出的方法并不是为夺权而夺权。他将权力视为实现国家安全稳定的工具。他想教君主们学会怎样保证臣民的幸福安康。
A stable and safe home? Full of happy and prosperous subjects? It sounded like a worthy goal, not just for a prince but for a parent too. Maybe I could use Machiavelli's rules to help me reclaim my own kingdom. 家国安稳？臣民幸福安康？好像倒是一个值得去追求的目标。不仅值得君主去追求，当家长的也是一样。或许我可以利用马基雅维利的法则来帮助我重新掌控自己的王国。
Being permissive and nice hadn't worked with my children. Begging, bartering, harassing and even politely asking hadn't worked either. But perhaps a pragmatic, tough-minded Machiavellian strategy would. With 'The Prince' in hand, I set out to become a full-fledged Machiavellian mom. I was soon following several of the great political adviser's key maxims. 放任自流、和颜悦色在我的孩子们面前是不管用的，乞求、奖励、骚扰甚至是礼貌地请求也都不行。但是，如果奉行一种现实主义的、铁石心肠的马基雅维利策略，或许倒是能见效。以《君主论》为武装，我开始做一名奉行马基雅维利主义的母亲。很快，我就在遵守这名了不起的政治顾问的好几条重要箴言了。
'Nothing wastes so rapidly as liberality, for even whilst you exercise it you lose the power to do so, and so become either poor or despised or, in avoiding poverty, rapacious and hated.' “世界上再没有一样东西比慷慨消耗得更厉害的了，因为当你慷慨而为的时候，你就失去了使用慷慨的能力，不是使自己贫穷以至被人轻视，就是因为要避免陷于贫穷而贪得无厌惹人憎恨。”
Because men are fickle, hypocritical, greedy and deceitful, Machiavelli argues, their loyalties can be won and lost. To guard against shifting allegiances, he advises a prince to develop a reputation for generosity. He cautions, however, that an overly generous prince will quickly bankrupt the state and only increase his subjects' greed for largess. 马基雅维利认为，由于人的善变、虚伪、贪婪、狡诈，他们的忠心可得亦可失。为防臣民怀有二心，他建议君主养成慷慨的声誉。不过他也提醒，过度慷慨的君主常使国家迅速破产，徒增臣民对施舍物的贪心。
I thought immediately of my kids. 我马上想到了自己的孩子。
Like all moms, I was struggling to meet their every material need. Yet as I read 'The Prince,' I realized that the more things I gave them, the more they expected and less grateful they became. So, on our next trip to Target, I applied Machiavelli's advice to my unsuspecting young subjects. 跟所有当妈的一样，我一直都在努力满足他们物质上的一切需要。但在读《君主论》的时候，我意识到，给他们的东西越多，他们的期望会越高，感恩之心也越少。于是，在下一次去Target超市买东西时，我把马基雅维利的建议用到了那几个毫无防备的年轻臣民身上。
Usually, on such outings, they would greedily toss DVDs and dolls into our cart. If I insisted that they remove the booty, temper tantrums would ensue. This time I had a plan. Instead of waiting for disaster, I stopped at the entrance and handed each of them $10. 平时在这种时候，他们都会贪得无厌地将DVD和玩具扔到购物车里。如果我坚持要求把这些战利品拿走，那么他们就要大发脾气了。这一次呢，我有了一套办法，而不是等着灾难降临。在入口处，我停了下来，给他们一人发了10美元。
'What's this?' my 7-year-old daughter Teddy asked. “这是什么？”我七岁的女儿特迪(Teddy)问道。
'It's a 10-dollar bill,' I said. 'And it's for you to use today, but that's all you're going to get, so use it wisely.' 我说：“是一张10块钱的钞票，给你们今天用的，但总共也就这么多，所以还是好好花吧。”
Once inside, my troops carefully examined the price of each item they liked. 'What? $29?!' Teddy protested upon discovering the price of a Justin Bieber backpack. 'Well, that's just ridiculous,' she mumbled as she put it back on the shelf. 'It's not worth that much!' 进了超市之后，我的部下们就开始仔细查看自己喜欢的每一件物品的价格。特迪发现一款贾斯汀•比伯(Justin Bieber)的背包之后抗议说：“啥？29块？！”她一边把背包放回了货架一边咕哝道：“太离谱了。值不了那么多钱！”
Our shopping trip went much more smoothly than in the past, my kids were more appreciative, and they learned the value of money. 我们的这次购物之旅比以往顺利了好多，孩子们更懂感恩，而且他们知道了金钱的价值。
'A Captain ought…[to] endeavor with every art to divide the forces of the enemy, either by making him suspicious of his men…or by giving him cause…to separate his forces and, because of this, become weaker.' “将领应当……想方设法分化敌人力量，不管是让他对自己的部下起疑心，还是让他不得不……分割自己的力量，并因为分割力量而变得更弱。”
I was already familiar with the strategy of 'divide and conquer'; our kids are masters at pitting my husband and me against each other to get what they want. I decided it was time to use this maxim to my own advantage. 我已经熟知“各个击破”的策略，因为孩子们非常擅长在我和丈夫之间搞对立，趁机得到他们想要的东西。我觉得，现在轮到我将这条箴言为我所用了。
To that end, I 'divided' Teddy and my 8-year-old stepson Daniel by pitting them against each other in a not-so-friendly competition over who could do better in school. 为此我“分化”了特迪和八岁的继子丹尼尔(Daniel)，也就是将他们置于谁在学校表现更好这种不那么和气的比赛中，在他们当中制造对立。
'Excellent!' I praised Teddy when she brought home a nearly perfect second-grade report card. I then rewarded her with a celebratory family dinner at the restaurant of her choice. On the other front, Daniel, whose report card wasn't so stellar, got nothing, other than the shame of losing the competition─to his younger sister no less, as I reminded him. “太棒了！”当特迪把一份接近完美的二年级成绩单拿回家时，我这样夸奖她。然后我让她选择餐馆，举办了一场家庭庆功宴，以此作为对她的奖励。而丹尼尔的成绩单就不是那么光鲜，所以除了输掉比赛的耻辱之外，他什么也没有得到。我提醒他，这可是输给了自己的妹妹。
But this defeat ignited his competitive spirit, and by the end of the school year, both Teddy and Daniel brought home outstanding report cards. Bottom line: By setting my kids against each other, I ultimately got what I wanted from them…and they both benefited. 但这次失利点燃了他的竞争意识，所以到学年结束时，特迪和丹尼尔都拿回了漂亮的成绩单。总之，通过在孩子之间形成对立，我最终从他们身上得到了我想要得到的东西，而且他们两人也都得到了好处。
'Those princes who have done great things have held good faith of little account, and have known how to circumvent the intellect of men by craft, and in the end have overcome those who have relied on their word.' “那些曾经建立丰功伟绩的君主们却不重视守信，而是懂得怎样运用诡计，使人们晕头转向，并且终于把那些一本信义的人们征服了。”
With that victory scored, I turned to the part of 'The Prince' where Machiavelli shifts emphasis from dispensing concrete advice to describing the personality traits of a great leader. It is critical for a prince always to appear honorable, he writes, but he cautions that a prince shouldn't honor his word if doing so will threaten his rule. And since all men are dishonest, he adds, 'a prince must be deceitful if it is to his advantage.' 在取得上述胜利之后，我又翻到《君主论》里面马基雅维利把重点从给出具体建议转到描绘伟大领袖人格特征的章节。他写道，君主给人始终如一的高尚印象是至关重要的，但他也提醒道，如果兑现诺言会威胁统治，那么君主就不应该兑现诺言。他还说，因为所有人都不诚实，所以如果狡诈对自己有利，那么君主必须狡诈。
This might make sense in politics, but I didn't know if it would be wise to apply at home. But then my husband and I were invited to a golfing event in Santa Barbara for the weekend. 这点用在政治当中或许说得过去，但我不知道用在家庭中是否合适。不过随后，我和丈夫接到邀请，周末要去圣芭芭拉(Santa Barbara)参加一场高尔夫活动。
All parents know that weekends are dictated by kid-centered events, from sports to birthday parties to play dates. This particular weekend was no different, and all my kids had multiple events that I was supposed to attend. But I desperately needed a break, and suitable child care could be arranged. 做父母的都知道，周末是由以孩子为中心的活动主宰的，比如体育活动、生日聚会，以及在父母安排下聚在一起玩耍等。这次这个周末跟其他时候没有什么两样，孩子们都有多场我应该出席的活动。但我实在是需要休息，而合适的托儿服务也是可以安排的。
So, to minimize resistance and feelings of unnecessary abandonment ('You're going golfing? Can we come?!'), I told my kids that their dad and I were going away for the weekend on a business trip. And I didn't feel a bit guilty about it. The result: When I returned home, I was well-rested and relaxed, and my kids, who had worn out their grandparents, were thrilled to have me and their dad back home. 所以为了减少孩子的抵触情绪和被抛弃的感觉（“你要去打高尔夫？我们可以来吗？！”），我对孩子们讲，爸爸妈妈周末要去出差。对此我并没有什么愧疚感。最后回到家时，我精力充沛、神清气爽，而孩子们在把祖父母折磨够呛之后，看到爸妈回来都说不出地激动。
In other words: Don't feel guilty for lying to your kids if it makes you happy and relaxed…because having a happy, relaxed mom always benefits a child. 也就是说，如果对孩子撒谎让你快乐、轻松，那就不要因为撒谎而于心不安，因为妈妈快乐、轻松对孩子总是有利的。
'A prince, so long as he keeps his subjects united and loyal…will be more merciful than those who, through too much mercy, allow disorders to arise.' “君主为着使自己的臣民团结一致和同心同德……比起那些由于过分仁慈、坐视发生混乱、凶杀、劫掠随之而起的人说来，是仁慈得多了。”
I admit to pausing when I encountered Machiavelli's advice that 'good laws follow from good arms' and that the very legitimacy of law rests upon the threat of coercive force. I should make it clear that I do not, as a rule, believe in spanking a child of any age. But this issue came into play when Katie, then 5, tried to escape from our house one day when she thought I wasn't watching. 马基亚维利劝言说，好的法律源自好的武装，法律的正当性恰恰仰仗于强制力的威胁。我承认，读到这些话时我停了下来。我应该说清楚的是，从原则上讲，我不赞成打任何年龄的孩子。然而有一天，当那时候五岁的凯蒂(Katie)以为我没有盯住她、想从家里溜出去的时候，这个问题摆在了我的面前。
Katie has Down syndrome and is happiness personified, but she can also be stubborn and defiant. Some of her misdeeds include dumping a full bottle of water on my laptop and frequently escaping from home and school. On this particular day, I gave her a quick pat on the behind. 凯蒂患有唐氏综合征，天生无忧无虑，但她有时候也会固执、不听话。她犯下的错误包括把一整瓶水倒在我的笔记本电脑上，以及频繁地从家里或学校逃跑。这一天，我很干脆地打了她屁股一下。
Katie's eyes opened wide with surprise, but she didn't let out so much as a whimper or whine, much less a cry. When she tried to pull the same trick the next day, I gave her another quick pat that was met with a slight grimace…followed by a wide, defiant grin. Clearly, this strategy wasn't only ineffective, it was aggravating the situation. 凯蒂惊奇地睁大了眼睛，但没有呜咽，没有抽泣，更没有嚎啕大哭。第二天她想玩同样的把戏时，我又很干脆地打了她一下。结果她做了一个小小的鬼脸，然后是肆无忌惮、目空一切地咧嘴而笑。显然这条策略不仅没有效果，而且还使情况越来越严重。
I scoured 'The Prince' and stumbled upon his maxim that 'when princes have thought more of ease than of arms they have lost their states.' A few days later, Katie sneaked outside again and tried to hide in the backyard. This time, I led her straight up to her room. 我遍寻《君主论》，被这样一句箴言震住了：“君主沉醉于安逸比对关心军事想得更多便亡国。”几天过后，凯蒂又溜出去了，想躲在后院里。这次我直接把她带到了她的房间。
'You know you're not supposed to leave the house without asking,' I said sternly. She nodded in acknowledgment. 'Then you're getting a half-hour timeout in your room,' I announced. 'And from now on, whenever you choose to break this rule, that is what you will get. Every. Single. Time.' Then I slowly closed the door and walked away. 我严厉地说：“你知道你是不应该擅自跑到外面去的。”她点头承认。我宣布：“那么你在自己房间呆半个小时。从现在开始，只要你选择打破这条规定，你得到的就是这个。每一次都不例外。”然后我轻轻关上房门走开了。
That might seem extreme, especially if you are not familiar with the unique challenges of disciplining a special-needs child. But when it comes to parenting and politics, context is everything. And if that kind of pragmatic and tough-minded Machiavellian strategy was what it was going to take to keep my sweet, spirited, stubborn young daughter safe and sound then, in my mind, it was in her best interest. 你也许会觉得这有些过激了，特别是如果你不熟悉约束一位特需儿童面临的那些独特挑战的话。但在育儿和政治方面，前因后果决定一切。如果说这种讲求实际、铁石心肠的马基雅维利策略能让我亲爱的、活泼的、固执的小女儿安然无恙的话，那么在我看来，这对她来说就是最好的。
When I walked into her room a half-hour later, she was sitting on her bed flipping through a picture book. When she looked up, she sheepishly smiled. 半小时后我走进她的房间，她正坐在床上翻一本画册。抬起头看着我的时候，她不好意思地笑了。
'You ready to come out now and behave?' I asked. 我问：“你现在做好出来的准备了？做好听话的准备了？”
'Yeah!' she giggled and clapped. 她咯咯地笑，拍起手来：“是的！”
'In the actions of all men, and especially of princes…one judges by the result.' “对于一切人的行动，特别是君主的行动……人们就注意其结果。”
As peace and predictability began to prevail at home, I turned to Machiavelli's most infamous advice. Though often mistakenly recalled as 'the ends justify the means,' what he really says is subtler: that others will ultimately judge actions by results. 随着和平稳定开始在家中占据上风，我用上了马基雅维利最为臭名昭著的这句箴言。虽然常常被人错误地记成是“目的正当证明手段正确”，他真正的意思要更加微妙：归根结底，其他人会根据结果来判断你的行为。
Either way, the maxim came in handy one night when my husband got into bed, pulled close to me and said, 'You know, I'd really like to have another kid.' To which I replied, 'That's nice, honey, but what you're going to have instead is a vasectomy.' 不管它是哪一种意思，有一天晚上这条箴言就发挥了作用。当时我丈夫钻进被窝里贴近我说：“你知道我真的想再要一个孩子。”我回答说：“好啊亲爱的，但你可以要的不是孩子而是结扎手术。”
With our four boisterous young kids finally coming under control, adding another to the mix─an obvious threat to my hard-won dominion─was a result that I could not accept. My husband resisted this edict at first, but when I told him that until he accepted it he shouldn't expect any affection in bed, he quickly agreed to an appointment with a doctor. 在四个调皮捣蛋的孩子终于被管得服服帖帖之后，在他们当中又加一个进来，对我辛辛苦苦取得的统治地位无疑是一种威胁，我可不能接受。丈夫起初不肯听我命令，但当我跟他说不听命令就别指望在床上跟我亲热之后，他很快便同意预约医生。
There is nothing scheming or manipulative about following the path set down by Machiavelli. It is all about maintaining power and laying down the law with a firm hand. The great Florentine would be proud of his new disciple. 走马基雅维利指出的道路并不涉及欺骗或操纵，只涉及维护权力、铁腕颁布法令。我这名新信徒应该能让这位了不起的佛罗伦萨人感到骄傲的。
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