男人来自金星女人来自火星




《男人来自火星 女人来自金星》是一本有助于改善夫妻关系、保持美满婚姻，使夫妻结伴走完人生旅途的通俗性的心理自助读物。英文版于1992年在美国首次出版。出版后引起了巨大的社会轰动，在美国各年龄层的男男女女中产生了很大影响。《纽约时报》书评根据其销售量，将其排在畅销书排行榜前列，时间竟长达一百五十八周。



作者以男女来自不同的星球这一新鲜、生动、形象的比喻作为他的全部实践活动的理论支撑点：即男人和女人无论是在生理上还是心理上，无论是在语言上还是在情感上，都是大不相同的。这一比喻贯穿着他的这本通俗的畅销读物之始终。




跟管理学上的马斯洛需求层次一样，男人和女人也有感情上的需求层次。

女人：关心、理解、尊重、忠诚、体贴、安慰。

男人：信任、接受、感激、赞美、认可、鼓励。

男人来自火星

女人来自金星



本书提出许多有关男女的概念，你可能发现有些话对你而言特别真实，有此则不然……毕竟每个人有他独特的经验，有时候在我研讨会上的夫妻或个人会以相反的立场，与我分享我所提出的相关例子。发言的这个男人和我陈述的女人有关，发言的这个女人和我陈述的男人也有关，我称这为角色转换。

I make many generalizations about men and women in this book. Probably you will find some comments truer than others ... after all, we are unique individuals with unique experiences. Sometimes in my seminar couples and individuals will share that they relate to the examples of men and women but in an opposite way. The man relates to my descriptions of women and the woman relates to my descriptions of men. I call this role reversal.

如果你发现有角色转换的经验，请你安心，没什么关系。当你和书中所谈的无关时，我建议你忽略它或深入了解你的内在。许多男子为了表现出有爱心和教养，隐藏了自己的男子气概，就像许多女性为了在往重男性权势的工作中讨生活，便隐藏了她们的女性特质。若碰上这种例子，只要运用本书提供的建议、方法和技巧，不只可使你在关系中更热情，也可平衡你的性别特质。

If you discover you are experiencing role reversal, I want to assure you that everything is all right. I suggest that when you do not relate to something in this book, either ignore it (moving on tosomething you do relate to) or look deeper inside yourself. Many men have denied some of their masculine attributes in order to become more loving and nurturing. Likewise many women have denied some of their feminine attributes in order to earn a living in a work force that rewards masculine attributes. If this is the case, then by applying the suggestions, strategies, and techniques in this book you not only will create more passion in your relationships but also will increasingly balance your masculine and feminine characteristics.

我没有直接请出男女为什么不同，这是个复杂的问题，答案可以从生物学之不同、父母之影响、教育、出生顺序，到受社会、历史等影响的文化条件等去挖掘。

In this book I do not directly address the question of why men and women are different. This is a complex question to which there are many answers, ranging from biological differences, parental influence, education, and birth order to cultural conditioning by society, the media, and history. (These issues are explored in great depth in my book Men, Women, and relationships: Making Peace with the Opposite Sex.)

虽然利用本书观点可以立即得到收获，但不能取代心理治疗的需要，也不能为出了麻烦的关系或混乱的家庭做辅导。即使健康的人，在面对挑战时也可能仍需要心理治疗或辅导，我十分相信心理治疗和婚姻辅导可帮助个人做强有力的改变。

Although the benefits of applying the insights in this book are immediate, this book does not replace the need for therapy and counseling for troubled relationships or survivors of a dysfunctional family. Even healthy individuals may need therapy or counseling at challenging times. I believe strongly in the powerful and gradual transformation that occurs in therapy, marriage counseling, and twelve‑step recovery groups.

我仍不断听到人们告诉我，他们从了解男女关系中得到的收获，比做了几年的心理治疗还要大。我相信他们能成功地将我的观点运用到日常的关系和生活中，是因数年来的心理治疗为他们打下了基础。

Yet repeatedly I have heard people say that they have benefited more from this new understanding of relationships than from years of therapy. I however believe that their years of therapy or recovery work provided the groundwork that allowed them to apply these insights so successfully to their life and relationships.

如果我们的过去很混乱，做了多年的心理治疗后仍需一个积极健康的关系图象，本书正提供了这图象。反之，就算我们的过去充满了爱与滋润，但随着时间的改变，我们仍需要维持两性关系和谐的新方法。我相信每一个人都可从本书的观点中获益。我从研讨会参与者和来信中听到的唯一消极回应是：“我希望以前有人告诉我这些事。”

If our past was dysfunctional, then even after years of therapy or attending recovery groups we still need a positive picture of healthy relationships. This book provides that vision. On the other hand, even if our past has been very loving and nurturing, times have changed, and a new approach to relationships between the sexes is still required. It is essential to learn new and healthy ways of relating and communicating. I believe everyone can benefit from the insights in this book. The only negative response I hear from participants in my seminars and in the letters I receive is "I wish someone had told me this before."

　　增进你人生的爱情永不嫌迟。你只需要学习新方法。如果你想与异性有更完美的关系，此书是你最佳的指南。很高兴和你分享“男女大不同”。祝福你永远在智慧与爱情中成长，但愿离婚率降低，幸福的婚姻增加。我们的孩子应该拥有一个更美好的世界。

It is never too late to increase the love in your life. You only need to learn a new way. Whether you are in therapy or not, if you want to have more fulfilling relationships with the opposite sex, this book is for you.

It is a pleasure to share with you Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. May you always grow in wisdom and in love. May the frequency of divorce decrease and the number of happy marriages increase. Our children deserve a better world.