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做上帝也挺难的，有时候不知道如何选择应该眷恋谁。 |
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<TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B>For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." <BR><BR>"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."</B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666>曾在很多年前看过一次电影，一个老人从农村来城市再看一次电影。买了票后，他在门口买了些爆米花。递给售货员1.5元的时，老人忍不住抱怨“上次来看电影时，爆米花还只要15分钱。” <BR><BR>“先生”售货员笑着答，“这次你会更享受的，现在的电影有声音了。”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B>This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room. After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband. <BR><BR>Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver. The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles. <BR><BR>Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer, at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?'' <BR><BR>"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open."</B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666>一位伤病不轻的女子被送入医院。她的丈夫在候诊室耐心的等待。几分钟后，医生出来让助手找个扳手来，这当然让丈夫紧张了起来。 <BR><BR>又过了几分钟，医生又要了一个螺丝起子。丈夫担心地踱起了圈子。 <BR><BR>又过了一小会儿，医生在门内大叫拿个榔头来。焦急的丈夫再也忍不住了，跑过去问医生：“大夫，我太太究竟是什么问题？” <BR><BR>“不知道，”医生答道，“我那该死的袋子打不开了。”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B>A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof. When she laid down to sun her back, her bikini top fell off. She didn't care so much, though, because nobody ever came up to the roof anyway. Which is why she was surprised when she heard footsteps. It was the maitre'd from the restaurant. <BR><BR>"Ma'am," he said, "we were all wondering if you could put your top back on." <BR><BR>"Why? I'm not disturbing anybody." <BR><BR>"Ma'am. You're on the skylight."</B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666>一位女士决定去所在旅馆的屋顶享受日光浴。当她晒背的时候，她的比基尼上装掉了。但她并不在意，因为反正也没人来楼顶。当脚步声传来，她显得很诧异，原来是饭店的领班。 <BR><BR>“女士”他说，“我们希望你能将上装穿回” <BR><BR>“为什么？我又没影响到别人。” <BR><BR>“女士，您正躺在我们的天窗上。”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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we like it !! soso,go ahead!![em20][em20][em20][em20][em20] |
| 谢谢星空的表扬，soso一定继续努力。 |
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<TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B>Little Teddy's doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school. The first day home from St. Michael's, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again. <BR><BR>His mother visits his room and says, "Your working awfully hard!" <BR><BR>"Well",Teddy replies,"today when i saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, i knew they weren't fooling around."</B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666>小特迪的数学不好，父母将他送去了教会学校。从学校回来第一天，他直接走进房间做数学作业。吃饭后特迪又回到楼上去开始算起来了。 <BR><BR>他妈妈走到他房间说：“你现在可真用功呀！” <BR><BR>特迪回答道：“今天我看到那个被钉在十字架上的人，我就知道他们可不是说着玩的。”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<TABLE borderColor=#eeeeee cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=500 align=center border=0> <TR> <TD align=middle> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0> <TR> <TD> <TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B> A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible," she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." <BR> "Forget it," said her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit." <BR> "Yes," said the woman, cheering up. "And it's lucky you have. I used them patch the hole."</B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666> 丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。” <BR> “没事儿，”丈夫安慰地说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。” <BR> “是的,”妻子高兴地说, “幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD height=28> </TD></TR></TABLE> |
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非常好，中英文对照，还有兴趣。 |
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<TABLE borderColor=#eeeeee cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=500 align=center border=0> <TR> <TD align=middle> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0> <TR> <TD> <TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width="100%" align=center bgColor=#ccccff border=0> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffff colSpan=2> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 border=0> <TR> <TD width="100%"><FONT color=#006699><B>Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him? <BR>Jack: Certainly. <BR>Tom: And why? <BR>Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me. <BR></B></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD bgColor=#ffffcc colSpan=2><FONT color=#ff6666>汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？<BR>杰克：当然应该了。<BR>汤姆：为什么？ <BR>杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。<BR></FONT></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR></TABLE></TD></TR> <TR> <TD height=28> </TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<STRONG><FONT color=#000099 size=3>Stockbroker</FONT></STRONG> <STRONG><FONT color=#000099 size=3>An 84-year-old retired stockbroker was admitted to our hospital's intensive-care unit,suffering from a peptic ulcer and shock from internal hemorrhage. As intravenous lines were started and fluid infused, his vital signs improved rapidly.<br>The nurses dramatically announced the blood-pressure readings, starting at the shock level<br>of 60 and increasing to '70...80...90'<br>There was no doubt about the patient's successful recovery when in the midst of their intonations, he suddenly yelled, When it gets to 110---SELL.'</FONT></STRONG> <STRONG><FONT color=#000099></FONT></STRONG> <FONT size=2><STRONG></STRONG><FONT color=#000000>证券经济人<br></FONT></FONT><br><FONT color=#000000 size=2>我们医院的特护部收治了一位84岁的退休证券经纪人，他患有消化系统溃疡，引发内出血而休克。 随着静脉注射管的架起，药液的注入，它很快现实复苏的迹象。<br>护士们戏剧性的宣读他的血压读数。从休可时的60，增加到“70...80...90...。”<br>毫无疑问，病人已成功的抢救过来了，就在这时，在护士们的吟诵中，他突然叫道，“等到110时，抛出。”</FONT> [此贴子已经被作者于2006-3-3 18:41:27编辑过] |
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<STRONG><FONT color=#000099>Two Skulls</FONT></STRONG> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=10 width=579 border=0> <TR> <TD colSpan=2 height=48><FONT color=#000099><B></B></FONT><FONT color=#000099><B>Tourist: Whose skull is it? <BR>Guide: That is the skull of Julius Caesar.<BR>Tourist: Then whose is that small one beside it? <BR>Guide: That, sir, is the skull of Julius Caesar when he was a small boy.</B></FONT></TD></TR> <TR> <TD class=p2 colSpan=2 height=66> <FONT color=#000099><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=2>两颗头盖骨<BR><BR>游览者：那是谁的头盖骨？<BR>导游：那是朱利叶斯·凯撒的头盖骨。<BR>游览者：那么旁边的小头盖骨是谁的呢？<BR>导游：那个么，先生，是凯撒大帝小时候的头盖骨。</FONT> <FONT size=2></FONT> <FONT size=2></FONT> </TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<FONT color=#000099 size=4><STRONG>Careless dentist</STRONG></FONT> <TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=10 width=579 border=0> <TR> <TD colSpan=2 height=48> <FONT color=#000099></FONT><FONT color=#000099 size=4><STRONG>Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet. <BR>  atient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!</STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000099><B></B></FONT> </TD></TR> <TR> <TD class=p2 colSpan=2 height=66> <FONT color=#000099><STRONG> <FONT color=#000000> </FONT></STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=2>粗心的牙医<BR></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=2>牙医：请你不要再叫了！我还没有碰到你的牙呢。<BR>病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呢。</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=10 width=579 border=0> <TR> <TD colSpan=2 height=48> <FONT color=#000099></FONT><FONT color=#000099 size=4><STRONG>Luggage</STRONG></FONT> <FONT color=#000099><STRONG>A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by the flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.'Do you always carry such heavy luggage?' she sighed. <BR>'No more,'the man said.'Next time, I'm hiding in the bag, and my parter can buy the ticket!'</STRONG></FONT> <FONT color=#000099></FONT> </TD></TR> <TR> <TD class=p2 colSpan=2 height=66> <FONT color=#000099><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=2> 行李<BR></FONT><BR><FONT color=#000000 size=2>一个商人拖着他那鼓鼓囊囊的特大号旅行袋登上飞机，真够费劲的。 在一位机务乘员的帮助下， 他终于设法将旅行袋进了头顶上的行李箱。“您总是携带这么重的行李？”她叹息道。<BR>“再也不会了，”那人说道，“下次，我待在旅行袋内，我的同伴买票！”</FONT></TD></TR></TABLE> |
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They both got what they wished for. |
| 哈哈！这该如何是好呢？ |
