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<br> <FONT size=3>Dear Lazybone,</FONT> <FONT size=3> Sorry for my dealy in replying your articles, but I had problem with logging in this forum in the past a few days, though I have read some of your posts. Your posts read really like the composition in examinations, such as IELTS or ToFFEL. You also mentioned that you are now at a critical time for preparing an examination, so may I know what is that. I wish you could achieve a satisfying socre in it.<br> As for your suggestion, say, modify your articles for you, I don't think it's appropriate for us to make the changes in your own post, for it will be very impolite, so I'd rather point out your mistakes in the article in the replies.<br> For this article, there are some slight mistakes that you can avoid if you are careful, and I will make the essential changes as following:</FONT> <FONT size=3> <br>According to a current survey, an increasing scarcity of water supply has been seen in many metropolis and even small cities in the past (several decades of years) [decades]. If the trend (remains)[continues], many rivers (would)[will] dry sooner or later and our living condition (would) [will] become (bad to worse) [even worse].</FONT> <FONT size=3>What are the chief reasons contribute detrimentally to the shortage of water resource? The most frequently advanced and widely accepted cause (give) [giving] rise to the undesirable <br>result might be overpopulation explosion and the human activities in the wake of it. Though there might (to)[delecte to] be a growing international resonance of the significance of water, many people and works still lose sight of the crucial issue. They emphasize their own convenience more than benefits of others. They are reluctant to decrease the huge profits brought by the usage of water. </FONT> <FONT size=3>Under such cases, on the one hand, we should control the increase of population to a reasonable rate. On the other hand, we are obliged to make best use of the limited water resource, which might be more effective and practical. Firstly, (there is no denying the obligation of the authority)[the authority should take the obligation] to establish laws and regulations to restrict the usage of water.) Next, our education system should (be sure)[ensure or make sure] that the public ethics is also a dispensable part of quality-oriented education. Last but not the least, the media (is) [are] supposed to perform a positive role and exert favorable effects on (publicizing)[publication or propagadaning].</FONT> <FONT size=3>All the best with your exam,</FONT> <FONT size=3>Sincerely yours,<br>Cactus</FONT> |
Dear Lazybones, You are very welcome. Thank you for sharing your essays with us. We enjoyed reading them. Okay, you like to pay more attention to the language itself. That is good too. I'll try to emphasize on it later. Cactus is right. It'd be better if we did the corrections in a follow-up post in the same thread. One suggestion, you can make changes in your original post and leave a note to mark the changes so others may come back to see how it is improved. Good luck with your exams. Slowpoke |
Much Obliged to cactus' help. I am bankrupt of thankful words. At the same time, all kinds of feelings surge in my heart after reading it. I became puzzled about the journey of English learning though I know it is still a long way off and always believe it is an endless road full of thorn. I wonder how long a distance, a gap hard to bridge, between experts or even normal graduates major in English and amateur. I mistook to think that the only difference between the professional and the laypeople exists in pronuciation and knowledge of western culture and a solid foundation is not the patent of the professionals, but cuctus and slowpoke told me by their talent, unmindful to be exposed, that it is more than questionable, but not the case at all. After calming down, I expect to make less mistakes nextr time. Still I have two questions: 1、Can 'would' always be used to substitute 'will' in order to express euphemism (委婉的)? Of course I admit that in my composition 'will' is much better. 2、Is 'propaganda' commendatory (褒义)? I cannot find in e-dictionary the expected meaning of 'publication' (宣传). <br><br><br> |
Dear Lazybones,<FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT color=#0000ff> <FONT face="Times New Roman">1. <FONT color=#0000ff>If the trend remains, many rivers would dry sooner or later and our living condition would become bad to worse.</FONT></FONT> <FONT color=#000000>1) If you want to use "would", you need to use the past tense of "continue" too. The tenses are supposed to be consistent in a formal form of writing.<br>2) You don't have to be euphemistic in this case. Present tense ususally suggests the fact and sounds more affirmative. If you are not certain about the fact, it does not support your point.</FONT> <FONT color=#000000>2. Propagandizing can be either derogatory, neutral, or complimentary. </FONT></FONT></FONT> |
<BR>Thank you,slowpoke. |
< align=left><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=4>According to a current<FONT color=#f70968>(recent)</FONT> survey, an increasing scarcity of water supply has been seen in many metropolis<FONT color=#ff0066>(metropolises)</FONT> and even small cities in the past decades. If the trend continues, many rivers will dry sooner or later and our living condition will become even worse.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT> < align=left><o:p><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=4></FONT></o:p> < align=left><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=4>What are the chief reasons contribute detrimentally to the shortage of water resource? The most frequently advanced and widely accepted cause giving rise to the undesirable result might be population explosion and the human activities in the wake of it. Though there might be a growing international resonance of the significance of water, many people and works still lose sight of the crucial issue. They emphasize their own convenience more than benefits of others. They are reluctant to decrease the huge profits brought by the usage of water.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT> <o:p><FONT face="Times New Roman" size=4></FONT></o:p> <FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT size=4>Under such cases, on the one hand, we should control the increase of population to a reasonable rate. On the other hand, we are obliged to make best use of the limited water resource, which might be more effective and practical. Firstly, the authority should take the obligation to establish laws and regulations to restrict the usage of water. Next, our education system should ensure that the public ethics is also a dispensable part of quality-oriented education. Last but not the least, the media are supposed to perform a positive role and exert favorable effects on propaganda.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT> <o:p><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=#f70968 size=4></FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT face="Times New Roman" color=#f70968 size=4>This is my assignment. My teacher's comment:</FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT color=#f70968><FONT size=4><FONT face="Times New Roman">1 </FONT>Grasp more samples and sentence structures</FONT></FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT color=#f70968 size=4>2 Generalized accoedingly</FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT color=#f70968 size=4>Mark: 7</FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT size=4></FONT></o:p> <o:p><FONT color=#0000ff size=4>I felt a sense of frustration for I recived cactus and slowpoke's help and I spent 20 minutes more than required (40 minutes is normal). Sigh,where's the structure of composition in foreign language?</FONT></o:p> |
Dear lazybone, Are you dealing with IELTS now, because I just noticed the band score your teacher has given you. I took IELTS when I was a junior, and I could not write as good as you do at that time. Therefore, you are now on the right track, just keep on going. Best wishes! Yours sincerely, Cactus |