Time to Say Goodbye

海明威初恋情人的分手信



Serving as an ambulance driver in Italy during World War I, an eighteen-year-old Ernest Hemingway was taken to a Milan hospital after an explosion badly injured his leg. In that hospital he met one of the great loves of his life—Agnes Hannah von Kurowsky, a twenty-six-year-old American nurse who cared for Hemingway as he recuperated. Hemingway was infatuated with von Kurowsky from the start, and for a time she seemed to have feelings for him as well, though von Kurowsky later said she merely “liked” him and that their relationship was nothing more than a “flirtation.” Hemingway wanted them to get married, but von Kurowsky—because of the age difference, her belief that Hemingway was immature and aimless, and her interest in other menrejected the idea. In January 1919 Hemingway left the hospital but continued to write her. Von Kurowsky decided she finally had to convince him it was over, and on March 7, 1919, she wrote Hemingway the following letter.



Ernie, dear boy,

I am writing this late at night after a long think by myself, and I am afraid it is going to hurt you, but, I’m sure it won’t harm you permanently.

For quite awhile before you left, I was trying to convince myself it was a real love-affair, because, we always seemed to disagree, and then arguments always wore me out so that I finally gave in to keep you from doing something desperate.

Now, after a couple of months away from you, I know that I am still very fond of you, but, it is more as a mother than as a sweetheart. It’s alright to say I’m a Kid, but, I’m not, and I’m getting less and less so every day.

So, Kid (still Kid to me, and always will be) can you forgive me some day for unwittingly deceiving you? You know I’m not really bad, and don’t mean to do wrong, and now I realize it was my fault in the beginning that you cared for me, and regret it from the bottom of my heart. But, I am now and always will be too old, and that’s the truth, and I can’t get away from the fact that you’re just a boy—a kid.

I somehow feel that some day I’ll have reason to be proud of you, but, dear boy, I can’t wait for that day, and it was wrong to hurry a career.

I tried hard to make you understand a bit of what I was thinking on that trip from Padua to Milan, but, you acted like a spoiled child, and I couldn’t keep on hurting you. Now, I only have the courage because I’m far away.

Then—and believe me when I say this, it is sudden for me, too， I expect to be married soon. And I hope and pray that after you thought things out, you’ll be able to forgive me and start a wonderful career and show what a man you really are.

Ever admiringly and fondly, Your friend,Aggie

I think she does the right thing for him. They will never have a result, as the age difference. Woman maybe can fall in love with a guy who younger than her. But she would never be able to have a long term relationship with him.