Selected Wisecracks and Witticisms

1．War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

战争无法决定谁是正确的——只能决定谁为胜者。

2. Politicians and diapers(尿布) have one thing in common.They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

政客和纸尿布有一个共同点：他们都需要有规律的更替，并且都为了同一个（无比肮脏的）理由。

3. Do not argue with an idiot(n.傻瓜,白痴). He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

不要和一个傻瓜争论。他会把你拉到他的“那个”水平，然后用他的所谓经验把你打败！

4. It's not the fall (n.坠落,下沉) that kills you; It’s the sudden stop at the end(最后).

跌落不会致命，杀死你的是最后那一下的“嘎然而止”。

5. When tempted(v.诱惑，怂恿) to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

当被怂恿着去以火力相拼时，请记住消防局一般用水灭火。

6. Always borrow money from a pessimist(n.悲观主义者). He won't expect it back.

总是向悲观主义者借钱吧。反正他没指望你能还。

7. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

汽车停在汽车站；火车停在火车站。在我的桌子上，有一个“工作站”。

8. The last thing I want to do(最不想做的事情) is hurt you.But it’s still on the list.

我最最不想的就是伤害你。但是，它仍旧是我需要去做的事。

9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

所谓知识，是知道番茄是水果；所谓智慧，是知道不要把番茄放在水果色拉中。

10. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

孩子的定义：你需要先花2年，教会他们走路和说话。然后再花16年，告诉他们坐定和闭嘴。