The Most Popular Lie We Tell Our Friends

我们最常对朋友撒的谎



It can come in a variety of phrases. I’m right down the street. Just give me a few minutes. I’m literally getting in the car RIGHT NOW (as you hastily put on pants and shoes INSIDE of your house). Whatever words you choose to combine when making a fabrication, everyone is guilty of giving estimates that they know damn well they won’t be making good on. Generally speaking, things go down like this:

1. Plans were made at a specific time. Let’s say 9 PM. You’re picking someone up. Someone’s picking you up. You’re meeting someone somewhere. Whatever the case may be, there’s a scheduled get-together, and you have plenty of time to prepare in advance.

2. It’s 7 PM, two hours before your plans and you’re like, “Meh, I got time – might as well watch some TV” or “I’ll just check Facebook to kill time” – something along those lines. Whatever activity you choose always ends up luring you in for longer than expected. The same rerun of Ridiculousness that you’ve seen 19 times. An episode of Catfish that you have to catch the ending of. A link to a YouTube video that leads to a binge YouTube sesh. Something will reel you in and before you know it…

3. It’s 8:45 PM and you still haven’t showered. You have to run the hurry-up-offense, which means moving super-fast to choose an outfit, take a shower, get dressed, and meet or be met very shortly. Of course, you can’t do this unless the show has ended, or you see one last ‘Recommended Video’ on YouTube, so the getting ready process won’t even commence until 9 PM.

4. Somehow it’s 9:05 and you’re scrambling to the shower! Luckily, the person you’re meeting hasn’t reached out to you yet. Probably because nobody’s ever punctual anymore… right?

5. While in the shower, a jingle alerts you that you’ve received a text message. The speed of you scrubbing your body increases significantly. However, you consider that anytime a person sends a text, they’re not in too big of a hurry, because they’d call if it were urgent. At least, you’ll try and convince yourself of that to ease the stress. That, or cross your fingers that it wasn’t even them.

6. RING! Okay, the phone is now ringing and it’s definitely your friend. Time to hastily finish up the shower and dry off.

7. Call your friend back, butt-ass-naked. They’ll ask where you are, but you can’t answer until you know how far along they are in the “getting ready” process. See, the lie you’re about to make is fully dependent on their current status.

8. No matter where they are, it’s always further along than you. Now you’re out of options. Just do it. Make the lie. Tell them you’re headed out the front door when you’re partially dressed. Say you’re a block away when you’re barely leaving your front door. Tell them you’re like, right outside their house when you’re a block (or five) away. This is how it works nowadays. Many of us are procrastinators about getting ready and when the time comes, falsifying information is the go-to-move. You know the saying though: better 45+ minutes late, than never.

谎言有各种各样的形式。我现在已经下楼了。再等我几分钟。我现在正在上车（而实际上你还在家里匆匆忙忙地穿衣服和鞋子）。不管你怎么编谎，每个人都不好意思直接告诉别人他们很清楚的知道自己肯定来不及。一般来说，事情都是这样进行的：

1.你们已经提前约定了特定的时间聚会。我们就假定晚上9点。你要去接上别人。或者你等着别人过来接你。你们约定在某地见面。不管是什么情况，时间都是提前约好的，而你有很多时间提前准备。

2. 现在是晚上7点，离你们约定的时间还有2个小时。而这时你大概在想“嗯，我还有时间——那看会电视吧”或者“我就上上Facebook 打发打发时间”——类似这样的想法。不管你选择干什么，你所用的时间都会比你想象中的长很多。比如说Ridiculousness的同样的回放你已经看了19次了，Catfish的剧集你一定要看到结局。链接到YouTube上的视频又帮你链接到YouTube的无数的视频中。在你反应过来之前，你已经沉浸其中，不可自拔。

3. 现在是晚上8点45分了，而你还没去洗澡。你只好启动加速模式，必须非常快地选好你要穿的行头，洗澡，穿好衣服，然后去接别人或者等别人来接。当然，你没办法开始行动，除非你要看的节目已经结束了，或者你看完了最后一个YouTube上“推荐观看的视频”，所以准备工作甚至可能9点都还没开始。

4. 不知道怎么搞的，现在已经9点05分了，你正在慌忙的洗澡！幸好，要接你的人也还没有到。可能也许根本没有人准时……对吧？

5. 在洗澡的时候，你的短信铃声响了。你洗澡的速度快了很多。但是，你又考虑到，如果那个人只是发短信的话，说明他并不是非常着急，不然他们应该就会打电话来催了。至少，你会试着说服自己放轻松。或者，你祈祷其实发短信的根本不是约好见面的朋友。

6. 电话铃响了！好吧，这下肯定是约好的朋友打电话了。得赶快洗好澡、擦干身体。

7. 你光着身子给你的朋友回拨电话。他们会问，你在哪里，但是你肯定不会说除非你知道他们现在在“准备程序”的哪一步。看着吧，你接下来要撒的谎完全取决于他们的状况。

8. 不管他们在哪，他们肯定比你快多了。现在你没办法了。只好这样了。撒谎吧。在你穿衣服的时候告诉他们你刚出门。在你出门的时候告诉他们你还有几条街的距离就到了。当你还有几条（几十条）街远的时候告诉他们，你已经到了。现在约会都是这样进行的。我们中的许多人都是拖延症患者，他们总是在时间快到的时候拖着准备，然后再编造自己的进度。你现在知道大家的说法了：迟到45分钟，总比没到好嘛。

原文來自：有道學堂