Jason Swett still cringes when he remembers the party in Atlanta 10 years ago, where, drink in hand, he tried 'to impress the local Southern belles,' he says, by talking -- nonstop.

每次想到十年前亚特兰大的那次派对，杰森・斯威特(Jason Swett)都会心有余悸。他说，当时他手里拿着喝的，嘴巴一直滔滔不绝地讲话，为的是“打动当地的南方美女们”。

He told the six or so people he'd just met the tale of how once at a grocery store he helped apprehend a thief who'd stuffed steaks down his pants. And the story about the time he spotted a bike at the bottom of a pond in a local park and jumped in to retrieve it. And then the one about how he smoked himself out of his own basement by setting off illegal fireworks.

他对着自己刚认识的大概六个人讲了好几个故事，一个是自己曾经在一家杂货店帮忙抓到一个想在裤子里藏牛排的小偷，一个是他在当地一家公园发现了沉在池子里的自行车并跳进去把自行车扛了上来，还有一个是有一次在家里点燃非法烟花把自己熏出了地下室。

Eventually, Mr. Swett asked the group, 'Wanna hear another one?' The reply was unanimous. 'No!' six people shouted in unison.

There is an art to elegantly starting, sustaining and ending a dialogue with strangers or friends. Experts call it conversational intelligence. Others call it the gift of gab. Hard as it may be for chatty people to believe, not everyone is born with it. For many, it takes study and practice.

和陌生人或朋友聊天，如何优雅地开场、维持和结束谈话是很有讲究的。专家称之为“聊天才能”，有人称之为“能说会道”。善聊的人可能很难相信，并非所有人天生会聊天。对很多人来说，这是需要学习和练习的。

Some people dismiss small talk as mere chitchat, an unnecessary and annoying waste of time. Many men consider it a female thing. But experts say casual conversation is essential social grease -- a ritual that helps us connect with friends, colleagues and people we've just met.

有些人认为闲聊就是纯粹瞎扯，没有意义，让人厌烦，浪费时间。很多男性认为这是女人们才干的事情。但专家说，闲聊是很重要的社交润滑剂，有助于与朋友、同事以及刚认识的人保持联系。

We can use small talk to signal our friendly intent and to get people to like us. It can lead to more-significant conversations that spark friendships and clinch deals. Still, for many it remains a mysterious and challenging art.

我们可以用闲聊来表示我们的好意，让别人喜欢自己。它可以衍生出更重要的可以增进友情或敲定生意的谈话内容。不过对很多人来说，它仍然是一项神秘且具有挑战性的技艺。

Small talk occurs in all cultures but the substance differs. Americans generally have an international reputation for being good at small talk although the content is often seen by other cultures as superficial, says Roger Baumgarte, professor emeritus of psychology at Winthrop University, in Rock Hill, S.C.

闲聊在所有文化中都有，但内容各不相同。南卡罗来纳州Rock Hill温索学(Winthrop University)心理学荣誉教授罗杰・鲍姆加特(Roger Baumgarte)说，美国人在国际上普遍被认为擅长闲聊，但其内容却常在其他文化中被认为很肤浅。

Unfortunately, we seem to be getting less good at it. (Been on the Web lately?) So much of our lives have moved online, we've become less adept at in-person interactions. Experts worry that, thanks to videogames and texting, younger generations aren't learning the basics of real conversation.

不幸的是，我们似乎越来越不擅长闲聊了。（最近有上网吗？）随着生活越来越网络化，我们越来越不擅长面对面的互动。专家担心，由于电子游戏和短信息的影响，年轻人学不到真正交谈的基本技巧。

You can develop your conversational intelligence. It isn't complicated, especially if you keep this rule of thumb in mind: Focus on the other person. 'Let it be known that you want to make conversation,' says Bernardo J. Carducci, professor of psychology and director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast, in New Albany, Ind. 'Make it easy for the other person.'

“聊天才能”是可以开发的。它并不复杂，尤其是如果你谨记这条原则的话：把焦点放在对方身上。印第安纳州新奥尔巴尼(New Albany)印第安纳大学东南分校(Indiana University Southeast)心理学教授、害羞研究中心(Shyness Research Institute)负责人波尔纳多・J.卡杜西(Bernardo J. Carducci)说：“让对方知道你想交谈，让对方觉得轻松。”

A successful conversation can be divided into five stages, Dr. Carducci says. In the 'Getting Started' stage, you signal your desire to talk with a simple opening line based on something both of you are observing or experiencing in your shared surroundings. ('Hot enough for you?')

卡杜西说，成功的交谈可以分成五个阶段。在“开场白”阶段，你要表示自己想交谈的欲望，根据双方在共同的环境观察到的或经历到的说一句简单的开场白，比如“你觉得够不够热？”。

In the second stage, the 'Personal Introduction,' you should mention something about yourself, state your name if appropriate and provide hints for topics to talk about. ('It seems like the whole city is on vacation this week.')

到了第二阶段“个人介绍”，你应该提到关于自己的某些事情，如果合适的话就告诉对方自己的名字，并就可谈论的话题进行暗示，比如“这周好像整个城市都在度假一样”。

'A good personal introduction helps to move the conversation forward,' Dr. Carducci says. He encourages people who aren't adept conversationalists to keep a few 'go to' topics in their back pocket.

卡杜西说：“好的个人介绍有助于推动谈话往前进行。”他鼓励不善言辞者提前准备几个可以聊起来的话题。

In the third stage, 'Pre-Topical Exploration,' you and your conversation partner are looking for common ground. This is a good time to ask questions, and to refer back to and build upon things said earlier. ('Did you get a chance to get away this summer?') When the other person introduces a topic, you should respond -- or quickly offer an alternative.

第三阶段“找话题”，双方都在寻找共通点。这是问问题、回顾以及巩固先前谈到内容的好时机，比如可以问“这个夏天你有没有机会出去放松一下？”对方引出一个话题时，你应该做出回应，或者迅速提出另一个话题。

Fear of awkward silences is common in people who aren't natural conversationalists. Expert say don't worry when it gets quiet. The other person is probably just thinking of something to say. I could chat with a tree, and even I was stumped recently after I took my seat on a plane and the man next to me responded to my opening line -- 'I hate to leave Honolulu' -- with 'I've been married 24 years.'

不擅聊天的人常会害怕尴尬的沉默。专家说冷场时不要担心。对方可能只是在思考要说什么。我甚至可以跟一棵树聊天。最近我在飞机上遇到了令人尴尬的情况，我旁边坐了一位男士，我开场说的是“我不想离开火奴鲁鲁”，而他回了一句“我结婚24年了”。

In the 'Post-Topical Elaboration' stage, your job is to keep the conversation going. 'Good conversation is topic-building,' says Dr. Carducci, so you should make links between subjects. ('I took a 'staycation' and saw some excellent movies.')

在“找到话题后的深聊”阶段，你的任务是让谈话继续下去。卡杜西说，“好的谈话就是建立话题”，所以你应该在各个主题之间建立联系，比如“我在家里度假，看了几部很棒的电影”。

As in every stage, you should be careful not to talk too much. This means you should avoid your favorite topic, whether it is yoga or your kid's soccer tournament.

在每个阶段你都要小心不要说得太多，这意味着你应该避免你最喜欢的话题，无论是瑜珈还是你孩子的足球联赛。

But don't let the other person hog all the airtime, either. If this starts to happen, mention something about yourself when he or she takes a breath. 'Bad small-talkers are too self-critical, so they shut themselves down,' says Dr. Carducci, who wrote 'The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk.'

但也不要让对方占太多时间。如果有这样的苗头，那就在对方停顿的时候提到和自己有关的事情。卡杜西说：“不擅长闲聊的人总是太过自我贬抑，所以他们会主动闭嘴。”卡杜西著有《闲聊技巧指南》(The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk)一书。

The final stage is the 'Wrap Up.' Here, you signal that the end is near and show appreciation ('Nice chatting with you.') Demonstrate that you were listening by summarizing highlights of the conversation ('Thanks for those movie recommendations.') Look for a way to stay in touch, if you would like -- offer a business card or ask if the person is on Facebook.

最后是“收尾”阶段。在这个阶段你要暗示谈话快要结束，并表示感谢（比如“和你聊天很愉快”）。总结谈话重点，以显示你一直在听（比如“谢谢你推荐的那些电影”）。如果愿意的话寻求保持联系的方式，比如留名片或加Facebook。

Ask a lot of questions. People love to talk about themselves and often will think you are a great conversationalist if you talk about them and not yourself. Don't let the conversation stall after the person has answered -- be ready with follow-up questions or build on the topic. And avoid obvious inquiries. Cathy Svacina, a 60-year-old marbles expert and tournament referee from Kansas City, Mo., likes to ask people what they do for fun. 'That immediately tells me more about who they are than what they do for work,' she says.

多多提问。人们喜欢谈论自己，而且如果你谈论他们而不是自己的话，他们通常会认为你很会聊天。对方回答后不要让谈话僵持――准备好后续问题，或者就这个话题展开深入讨论。另外要避免太过明显的问题。来自密苏里州堪萨斯城、现年60岁的弹珠专家及弹珠锦标赛裁判凯西・斯瓦奇纳(Cathy Svacina)喜欢问别人有什么兴趣爱好。她说：“通过这种问题我会马上知道对方是什么样的人，而不是他们是做什么工作的。”

Listening is crucial. Dan Nainan, 32, a comedian from Manhattan, has learned to summarize what the other person says. ('So you think that. . .' or 'So what you're saying is. . .') 'A conversation can go on indefinitely if you do this,' he says.

倾听很关键。现年32岁、来自曼哈顿的喜剧演员丹・达伊纳安(Dan Nainan)学会了总结对方所说的话，比如“所以你认为……”或者“所以你的意思是……”。他说：“如果这样的话谈话就可以永远进行下去。”

Have a line ready for when you want the conversation to end. Ella Rucker, a 40-year-old freelance writer from Bronx, N.Y., smiles and says, 'As much as I've enjoyed our conversation, I'll let you continue with your evening.'

对自己希望聊天什么时候结束要有概念。来自纽约布朗克斯、现年40岁的自由职业作家艾拉・吕克(Ella Rucker)微笑着说：“虽然我很享受咱们之间的谈话，但是恐怕也只能聊到傍晚了。”

Mr. Swett's small-talk epiphany came several years ago, after he read Dale Carnegie's 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' In 2010, he joined Toastmasters International, a group that helps people with public speaking. 'I learned that people are mostly interested in themselves,' says the 29-year-old Grand Rapids, Mich., software engineer. 'If you talk to the other person about them, they'll be much more responsive and interested than if you talk about you.'

斯维特是在几年前读了戴尔・卡耐基(Dale Carnegie)的《如何赢得友谊和影响他人》之后对闲聊有所顿悟的。2010年，他加入了帮助人们进行公共演讲的组织国际演讲协会(Toastmasters International)。这位现年29岁、来自密歇根Grand Rapids的软件工程师说：“我知道了人们对自己才最感兴趣，如果你聊他们，他们会比你聊自己回应更积极也更感兴趣。”

Recently, Mr. Swett had a job interview at a telecommunications firm, where, rather than just talking about himself, he began by asking questions and then responded to questions others raised. One of the executives nodded approvingly and asked, 'Did someone coach you on this interview?'

最近，斯维特去面试了一家电信公司。他并没有只说自己，而是问问题，然后回答其他人提出的问题。其中一位高管赞同地点头并问道：“这次面试是不是有人教过你？”